Feeling lost

I can't describe how I'm feeling now. Happy? Guilty? Sad?

I do not why but I feel a change in myself these days. I'm beginning to be selfish towards people around me. It's such an irony because being greedy have never been my major trait. I do admit I tend to be a little selfish sometimes but I can feel that this bad trait of mine is beginning to grow. I hate it, but somehow, I just couldn't control it.

I hate to take advantage of other people's misery or problems for my selfish reasons. But yet, I have been doing it for the past week or so. I feel so guilty whenever I did something that benefit me because of other people's problems, but yet, I still continue to do so.

My poly life will be drawn to a close soon. And that also marks the end of certain things/experience I've been having in SP. 3 years flew by pretty fast. I just hate the ending of phases of my life.

I'm sorry to whomever I've hurt because of my selfish acts. I'll try to be less greedy from now on, even if it means my own happiness will be sacrificed. I'll try. In the mean time, I just feel....... lost.