Seeking

A few days ago was the farewell for one of my colleagues. Had a little makan session to commemorate this event. It's sad when the person you've been working with for quite some time departs to somewhere else. The bond that you've shared with certainly counts for something. Furthermore, I'm never good with goodbyes, be it for myself or for someone else. Well, this time it's his turn. Who knows, it'll be my turn soon too. I'm not sure what will happen during my own farewell (if there ever is). Probably have to prepare some tissues, just in case.

Had another one of those good-dream-but-all-it-is-is-just-a-dream dream last night. The dream that we were back to our mischievous selves, doing the things we sometimes did, together. In the dream, I had a hunch that I was dreaming, so I tried to pinch myself. When nothing happened, I thought it was for real. The harsh realisation came when I finally woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. It's just another dream. It didn't stop me from shedding a few drops of tears though. :(

One of my colleague teased me about something the other night. A year ago, that would have brought a smile on my face. Even though there wasn't anything official, I was always happy when my soccer buddies or other friends mentioned or teased me about it. Not this time though. I had to force a smile, but inside, I could feel the pain.

It will be year since that fateful day, in a few months time. Half of me has improved and gained acceptance, while the other half is stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do. Maybe I should stop pretending to myself that everything is fine. That everything is all right. Maybe, I should seek help...

I feel like a song without the words
A man without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
cos you are the one

I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child who's lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And every day's the same
since you've gone away

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday