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Sometimes I envy those people who can easily forget things they don't wish to remember. It seems as easy as Ctrl-Alt-Del for them. How I wish I have that ability.

My hunch proves to be correct, yet again. Sometimes, I wish they are wrong, just once.


Masih terdampar ku disini
Tiada jalan mungkinku lalui
Harusnya hidupku dipersenda
Mengharungi dugaan melanda
Ku berserah..

Time to hide in my emo corner. Bye.

Just want you to know

I just hate this emo feeling. The suddenness that it happens and almost out of nowhere. Just because I viewed certain pictures or saw certain situations in real life, this sad feeling starts to come. Maybe it's natural or maybe it's just me. Hmm..

I don't know why but had this sudden urge to listen to this old BsB song when I was plugging on the earphones on the way to HTA. When I listened to the lyrics, I found out why.

Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

‘Cause I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

Confidence shaken

At this workplace of mine, a vast majority of my colleagues are either happily married, engaged or attached. Three of them are registering or had their marriage solemnised this year alone. The unification of two individuals is always a happy occasion and I'm happy to see that the people I work with are going to do or had done that. Because of this, it's not that difficult to hear stories about their other half or those that are related to their household.

Some of these stories are interesting, while others are sad to hear. My ears are always open to all these, if the person is willing to share. However, sometimes, when you hear these too often or you inadvertently hear them, certain thoughts would begin to wander inside the head as you become somewhat envious of what is happening in the lives of these people around you.

"When, or IF (for that matter) will I get to enjoy those things?", "Will I be loved and be as happy as them in the near future?" are some of the questions that will run around my mind. Yes, I yearn to be happy too. I'd like someone to care for me, to share my problems with, and of course, to love and be loved in return. I'd like to be excited with her as we apply for our own home. I'd like to be anxious and busy choosing what cupboard to install or what flooring to tile for our upcoming new home. I'd like to do things together with my special other half.

But I also believe in fate. Yes, I'm alone now. I'm not sure when or if I'll ever find my other half. And if it's fated for me to spend my life by myself, well, I shall accept it. But that will not stop me from feeling a little down once in a while.

Oh well.

Ignorance and its beauty

Sometimes I wish I do not understand that language.

So that I do not have to hear and understand what I don't want to know, especially if that thing that is being talked about is myself.

Being the topic of conversation "behind your back" but yet you know what it is about due to your understanding of the language, is like a double smack to the face.

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Thoughts

Throughout my life, I admit I've been a disappointment to some people. Some years back, I've disappointed a friend of mine when I labelled her a certain adjective after I've found something that she did. Even though I was disappointed at what she did, I shouldn't have done that. She told me she had expected some form of encouragement after that incident she was having and I was the last person she expected who would say all those cruel things to her. This incident is still fresh in my mind. Many years have passed and I really hope she has forgiven me.

Sometimes, I may do things unknowingly that irks people around me. Like this another friend of mine whom I've known ever since I was serving my Ns. I've noticed that she no longer reply to my msgs, even though for those seasonal greetings, and to my horror, I've also been unfriended in facebook. If someone wants to end whatever relationship with me, pls have the basic courtesy of telling me why. At least give me a reason and don't just ditch me and left me hanging. Unless of course, those years of friendship counts for nothing. But ultimately, one can choose how he/she wants to lead his/her life. I can't dictate that. Whatever she did, I hope it's what she really wants. Whatever her reasons are, I shall accept her decision. Sometimes, you just gotta let go.

People often say, life only begins to really start when you've started working. It's certainly true. You'll meet new people, many of them, and you'll realise that the world out there is not as rosy as you'd think it is. I've always tried to be nice and out of concern, ask them about certain things. But then, people don't seem to appreciate it at all. They lie to you straight in your face without feeling anything. Not to mention those fake smiles and niceties. I give up. I shall be less inquisitive, be less concerned and let them tell me only if they feel like telling. That being said, I have to say that there are still a few exceptions. There are still a few of them around who are genuinely nice and sincere and I feel very appreciative of them. Thank you.

I had always grown up in an environment where if you're nice to ppl, they would reciprocate to you. Making friends were not that difficult. Most of them are friendly and we could connect well, even with ny supervisors and superiors during my NS days. However, it has changed now. There are things you can do, but only to a certain extent. There are limits to be observed. It isn't helping when people have doubts over you. Sometimes, I find it hard and frustrating to accept this change.

The world is a strange place to live in. Indeed.

Falter

No, I cannot crumble.

I shall be strong.

Especially now, when my final paper is just two days away.

Relapses, please go away. At least wait till my paper is over.

Please.